Feeling a Bit Lost?

Have you ever felt lost? I’m slightly directionally challenged, and before GPS there were times I’d be driving and suddenly I was in a town or city where I hadn’t planned on being. Sometimes that was scary, sometimes inconvenient, and sometimes it was fun as I discovered new places.

I accepted this about myself and used it for my benefit. When I moved to a new location, I’d just drive around, get lost and find my way home (with the help of a map) repeatedly. After doing that a few days, I had a pretty good mental map of the area and would no longer get lost or need to refer to a paper map very often.

The thing is, I had a goal, a destination. Even though I didn’t take the most direct path, I was not wandering aimlessly; although, if anyone was watching, it might have appeared to them like I was. I had a destination in mind, I just didn’t know the route to get there. Sometimes my life feels like that.

There have been seasons in my life where I’ve found myself in totally unknown, unfamiliar territory – like when my son was reacting to every food I fed him and I had no idea what was going on or what to do. Or when it was obvious he had significant developmental delays and major sensory issues that prevented us from going to most public indoor spaces and turned our lives and routines upside down. Not even upside down, it obliterated any type of normality.

It was just like showing up in a town where I hadn’t expected to be and having no idea how to get to my destination. Only, there was no map for reference to find my way. I just had to try one route and see if it got me where I wanted to go. And if it didn’t, try another.

Does this doctor have answers? No. Okay, how about that doctor? No. Well, what about this therapy or that intervention? No answers in western or allopathic medicine? How about in alternative medicine? And I just kept wandering, referencing various research, and trying different routes until we made progress in the direction of our desired destination – the ability to eat foods without reactions, improve cognitive function, and stabilize or decrease sensory sensitivities.

Wandering, feeling lost, and not having clear direction feels uncomfortable. It’s scary. Thankfully, I have a personal relationship with God who loves me, knows all, and sees all.

Even though I may feel lost and not know where I am or how to get where I’d like to be. He knows. He knows not only my practical needs, the destination He has in mind for me, but also what my heart, mind, and soul need along the way. If I stick with Him, ask for, and follow His guidance, not only will I get to the destination He has planned for me, I’ll be a better person when I get there. (If you don’t know Him, I’d be happy to introduce you.)

I’ll leave you with a poem I love from Corrie Ten Boom. If you don’t know Corrie’s story, she was a Dutch lady who helped shelter Jews during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands. She went to a concentration camp for it and lived to tell her story. So, she knows a bit about dark, hard circumstances in life when you don’t understand and don’t know what’s ahead on the journey. Her book The Hiding Place is a worthy read!

To download your own copy of this poem, click here.

Sarah McGuire is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

To The Caregiver Who Never Gets Time Off

“Be still and know that I am God.” Wait…don’t leave yet! Hang with me for just a bit, I promise this is for you. On my mind and heart this week has been the mom (or caregiver) who never gets time off or time away. I don’t know your name, but I’ve been you and I’ve been praying for you.

You have a child who needs constant care, like CONSTANT, like, you can’t go to the bathroom and have those 30 seconds of peace alone, or drink a warm cup of coffee with a satisfied sigh – a cold sip 2 hours later, with one hand occupied with your child, maybe.

No one else gets it. No one understands. Your child’s needs are so unique and significant no one else is either able or willing to care for him/her for a couple hours so you could just sleep, or breath, or step outside and look at the sunshine. You feel so alone. I feel your pain. I feel the weight you carry. I see the conflict in your soul – you LOVE your child! But you just need a break.

 And then there’s Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God” - like there’s time for that!? When your child is never still or quiet and you are on duty all day and all night, how are you supposed to find time to be still in God’s presence so you can know Him better? It feels like one more thing on our to-do list that will never get done, doesn’t it? Those impossible things that are forever out of reach.

Have you ever read Ps 46:10 and paid attention to the surrounding verses?

I’ll summarize them for you (because, of course, your hands are full and you can’t toggle to that other screen or grab a Bible right now)…there are earthquakes, mountains crumbling, landslides, turbulent oceans, flooding, nations in chaos, kingdoms failing. Then, “Come, see the glorious works of the LORD…He causes wars to end throughout the earth. He breaks the bow and snaps the spear...” And here it is, “Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world. The LORD of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.”

Psalm 46:10 isn’t a command to literally be still and spend lots of quiet time with Him. It’s not a command to do something. It is a promise that He is a refuge, fortress, strength and that He has all of heaven’s armies to help address those troubles.

It’s our job to go to Him as our refuge and then “be still.” The Greek word used there for “be still” literally means “sink, relax” it could also be said “stop striving and let go” and watch His awesomeness (aka “know that I am God). Doesn’t “sinking” and “relaxing” (it makes me think of a bubble bath) while someone else who is unconditional love, all-powerful and with legions at His command takes over sound absolutely blissful?

This verse is not a call to do one more thing. It is a call for you to stop striving and to rest in Him, His strength, His protection, His care.

On those days and nights where we feel worn so thin we think we might just wear away to nothing and we don’t even have the energy to think anymore, it’s past time for us to cry out to Him as our refuge, fortress, help, Commander of Heaven’s Armies – it doesn’t have to be eloquent, even, “help” is sufficient - and see what He does.

I’d love to hear about it. I’d love to put a name to these prayers I’ve been praying for “the mom who doesn’t get a break.” Drop me a message, I’d love to pray for you by name!

Written by Sarah McGuire

SARAH MCGUIRE IS THE MOM OF TWO BOYS AND CO-FOUNDER OF HOPE ANEW, A NONPROFIT THAT GUIDES PARENTS TO CHRIST-CENTERED HOPE AND HEALING. YOU CAN FOLLOW HOPE ANEW ON FACEBOOK HERE.

When The Rug Gets Yanked Out From Under Your Life

The last year and a half has been a doozy for me, and I’d guess it has been for many of us for different reasons. I mean, 2020-2021, seriously? Over this year and a half my personal inner-life journey has taken me on quite a ride and while circumstances have offered up different challenges that haven’t resolved yet, my personal journey has been life-giving.

How does that happen? How can we not have circumstances align with what we want or need, yet have our heart, mind, & soul thrive anyway?

I’ll give a caveat that my most basic physical needs were met. I had a roof over my head, heat, food, water, sleep, and my immediate family with me whom I love dearly and who love me. The rest of life, including a house, friends, church, church family, homeschool group, and a significant chunk of our income, well, those were stripped away and my health was already greatly diminished, so that’s where I was a year and a half ago.

How do we move forward when the rug gets yanked out from under us and our life, as it has been, as we liked, as we dreamed of and worked to build, suddenly crumbles? For some of us that day is when our child gets a diagnosis that we know will change our lives forever. For some, a job loss. For some, a support system we depend on suddenly isn’t dependable or even available. What then?

Finding a private place to melt into a pile on the floor and cry it out with a bag of Lindt chocolates (my personal favorite – the chocolate, not the melting into a sobbing mess) close at hand may come first. Screaming to God about it might happen too. Grief – however that looks for you – is important. Acknowledging the pain (in a healthy way – not hurling anger on everyone around us) is critical! If we bury it, it will fester and cause other problems.

After scraping myself off the floor and expressing my feelings and thoughts to God repeatedly, this is what I did. I made a conscious choice that when I stepped out of my beloved house and into my new (not what I would have chosen) residence, I would NOT complain. Complaints would not cross my lips. I could still acknowledge & grieve the sadness of the losses, but I would not complain about the present.

It took several months, but the resolution to not complain morphed into intentionally looking for things to be thankful for – every day. And when challenges arose, to look for what I could be thankful for in the situation. I didn’t deny that it wasn’t ideal or that it wasn’t hard or unwanted, but I’d look for the good in it.

Instead of griping about the hot water running out 6 minutes into my shower, I could be thankful for the hot water I did have and get my hair cut shorter so I could take quicker showers. Guess what, I got lots of compliments on my shorter hair. It suits me better!

Instead of complaining about things breaking, falling off, or getting damaged on our new home (an RV), I could focus on being thankful for a resourceful, capable, problem-solving husband and it became part of the adventure.

One of the latest examples, I was commenting to a friend how I felt bad for my kids and how they weren’t getting to experience a typical (even typical for homeschool) high school experience with friends close by, sports, group activities, etc. during these critical years. She graciously called my attention to all they are getting to experience. A few hours later as I reflected on the conversation, I realized an unfavorable trait (that isn’t the kind that can be overcome with teaching or training) that had characterized one of my sons a good part of his life had completely disappeared over the previous year. Oh my, I’d been focused on what my husband and I weren’t able to provide for them and what I thought was lacking and instead there was so, so much he had gained that was worth invaluably more!

I have a long way to go in overcoming my negative thinking and making thankfulness my default, but one day at a time, I get closer to that goal!

How about you, have you ever taken a period of time to intentionally focus on annihilating complaining and to be purposefully thankful? How did it go? What happened?

Written by Sarah McGuire

SARAH MCGUIRE IS THE MOM OF TWO BOYS AND CO-FOUNDER OF HOPE ANEW, A NONPROFIT THAT GUIDES PARENTS TO CHRIST-CENTERED HOPE AND HEALING. YOU CAN FOLLOW HOPE ANEW ON FACEBOOK HERE.

Caregiver Fatigue

It’s real. It’s literal. It’s pervasive. It’s all consuming. When we haven’t slept a full night, half a night, or maybe not even a full hour at a time in days, weeks, months, maybe even years we get kind of tired, right? Sleep deprivation is serious business.

Yet, who else could possibly believe this is often life for the parent of a child with special needs.

I bumped into a parent of a newborn in a store the other day and they mentioned how tired they were because their baby’s days and nights were switched. At about a week old, that’s not unexpected and we can smile through it knowing these days (and nights) will quickly pass.  It is just temporary. But when that becomes life day in, day out, night in, night out; it really takes a toll on us.

I know when my child’s needs were significant, and I rarely slept for a full hour at a stretch for 18 months. I was exhausted. I was discouraged. I felt so alone. We were relatively new to town and I had no support system outside my husband who was working a regular schedule. I was at my breaking point. Did I mention, I was exhausted? Like really, really exhausted.

I was still going to church many Sundays. The pastor became aware of my exhaustion one Sunday and in the following weeks he would ask me how I was doing. Over the course of those weeks, my answer didn’t change. I was still tired. Yet, as the weeks rolled by and my answer, “I’m tired” stayed the same, the look I got from him changed from caring to condemning.

A few years later, my husband and I were meeting with another pastor regarding Hope Anew and coming alongside parents of kids with disability and special needs and he commented, “I wonder what goes through the mind of a parent when they wake up in the morning knowing what’s ahead for that day.” I replied, “You slept?” He smiled and nodded in acknowledgement of his assumption and the gap of understanding even as he was trying to the best of his ability to understand.

As caregivers, it’s easy to feel forgotten, unseen, not understood because so few people have lived this life and our circumstances. They can’t understand the load we are under and the challenges we are battling through every. single. day and night. We often focus on just making it through the next hour or minute and can’t think beyond that.

I know someone who does care. Who does see. Who does understand. We are not forgotten or alone. These words got me through many a screaming (my baby), crying (both of us), rocking chair night, “He tends his flock like a shepherd: “He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” – Isaiah 40:11. I was a mother with my “young” and it promises that He will gently lead me. That He gathers me in His arms just as I was holding and rocking my little one in my arms. And He promises that to you too.

 Written by Sarah McGuire

SARAH MCGUIRE IS THE MOM OF TWO BOYS AND CO-FOUNDER OF HOPE ANEW, A NONPROFIT THAT GUIDES PARENTS TO CHRIST-CENTERED HOPE AND HEALING. YOU CAN FOLLOW HOPE ANEW ON FACEBOOK HERE.

Mama Warriors

You know the old joke where you put a sticky note on someone’s back with a message and they walk around ignorant with others secretly laughing at them? As missionaries for 18 years, there have been many times we’ve had a target painted right on our back – by Satan. A few times, when things got unusually bad, I felt that target stuck there and took it off through prayer, prayer, more prayer, praise, thanksgiving, and faith.

Unfortunately, more often I ignorantly went on with my life, pushing forward as a wife, mom, caregiver, missionary, striving to make headway and often having it sabotaged. When you know that sticky note is there, it can be easy to take off. When you don’t realize it’s there you go on ignorantly struggling against all the wrong things.

I'm grateful for Naomi Brubaker and her insights on spiritual warfare . It's real. Yes, it can be over-hyped. But that doesn't make the fact that it is a reality in some instances any less real. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. I’ve often been more guilty of being naïve to the influence and reality that Satan and his minions have in my life, family’s lives, and our circumstances and then I didn’t counter his influence.

If that’s true of you, I’d encourage you to spend some time praying for insight into areas of your life where Satan may have a stronghold or influence and then praying for God’s protection over your lives and booting Satan out. You’ll likely have to do that repeatedly in different areas, different ways, different times and circumstances. He is not a gentleman. Just because you told him to get lost doesn’t mean he’ll never try attacking again. If you’ve claimed Jesus as your Savior, you have the upper hand. Satan can attack (just ask Job) but you can counter and win through prayer!

Prayers that win spiritual battles include some or all of these:

1.     Praise – of God and who He is (SO POWERFUL!)

2.     Thanksgiving – to God for what He has done and good things He has given

3.     Truth:

a.     Acknowledging the reality of sin or wrong thinking in your life

b.     Standing in the truth of the Word of God and countering lies with it

4.     Faith – in God, who He is, His power, His authority, your standing, rights and authority in Him

5.     Word of God – it is your sharpest sword and is what Jesus used against Satan’s temptations in the wilderness. Read it, speak it, pray it! 

Lastly, if aren’t making headway or gaining victory on your own, and haven’t already, ask others to stand and battle with you in prayer! Sometimes it takes an army.

Let’s be mamas who stand up and fight for ourselves, for our husbands, for our kids, for our families, for our friends! We have powerful weapons, we just need to wield them!

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Which Christian Parenting Resources are MOST helpful?

In the last blog post, You’re Grounded!!! I alluded to how the first few years of Jonathan and my parenting journey and how we were doing discipline was NOT working. We were following the best of the parenting classes from Bible school and church and books recommended to us and getting a kid who became angrier and angrier. We knew something HAD to change…and it was us and how we were parenting, not our kid.

Today, I share with you:

1. Resources we have read and tried

2. Resources that dramatically changed our and our kids’ lives for the better

Disclaimer: our kids are currently teenagers. We are in the midst of this parenting journey. We are learning too. Currently, our teenagers are delightful. They are a joy and pleasure to be around (most of the time!). We do not fit the stereotypical picture of regular teenage/parent conflict. I’m loving this age and stage and hope this type of relationship continues. However, we don’t know how our kids will do in adulthood or what choices they’ll make once there or at any point on their way there. We pray for wisdom as we continue on this journey.

The following resources are loosely listed from least helpful to most helpful for our family. We’ve read and studied more, but these are the ones that came to mind.

Resources we read, studied, &/or applied early in our parenting journey that we may have gleaned some from, but didn’t get us where we wanted to be in our parenting:

1.     Don’t Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Hubbard

2.     Growing Kids God’s Way

3.     Dr. James Dobson’s books

4.     Child Training Tips by Reb Bradley

5.     Love & Logic by Jim Fay & Charles Fay

6.     Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick

7.     Shepherding A Child’s Heart (the anger management/training/maturity ladder was helpful) by Ted Tripp

Resource that we think are excellent, the last 2 have heavily influenced our parenting:

1.     Parenting by Paul David Tripp

2.     How to REALLY love Your Child by Ross Campbell

3.     Sally Clarkson’s books (there’s more I need to read!!!) & podcast

4.     Sharing Love Abundantly In Special Needs Families by Gary Chapman & Jolene Philo

THE #1 most helpful and robust parenting tool we have found:

As a side note, you can listen to our podcast interview with Jim and Lynne here. What resources have been helpful to you in your parenting journey?

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

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You're Grounded!!!

Let’s talk parenting!

 Parenting is one of the greatest joys and greatest challenges all at the same time. Overwhelming joy and deepest grief. This month, we’re looking at something we do daily as a part of parenting…DISCIPLINE. 

We want so much for our kids. We love them with everything we are and have, and yet so often our relationships with them are characterized by frustration, tension, and conflict. When we correct them, what we really want to see is heart change, but most often after a discipline issue parent’s feel they’ve missed the mark or that their kid just hard-hearted and resistant.

But all is NOT lost – there is hope!

In the Hope Anew Online Community during the month of April the theme has been parenting. There are 4 short videos posted there on the subject:

Video 1 – I share some philosophies and approaches Jonathan and I have come to embrace in our parenting after some trial and error and weeding through MANY parenting books & approaches and even counseling courses. I share some reviews of and links to those in the next blog post.

 I also share some things we do NOT do or STOPPED doing (because they were counterproductive, but the most well-known Chrisitan parenting advice says that’s exactly how to parent). And, I share some things we DO do and have found to be beneficial that’s rarely taught.  

Videos 2 & 3 – We take the last part of video 1 (what TO do) to the next level as we look at the book Discipline That Connects with Your Child’s Heart by Jim & Lynne Jackson 

Video 4 – Is about the power of vision-casting and blessing in our kids’ lives.

If you are finding that parenting is an area that leaves you hopeless, exasperated, or isn’t going how you hoped it would (beyond your child having extra challenges), hop on over to the Online Community and take a look at the videos and see what your next step could be in disciplining and discipling your kiddos!

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

One Simple Question That Can Change Your Life…and the lives of those around you!

Last week I shared that my theme word for 2021 is thankful and to help me toward that goal, I’m listing 3 things I’m thankful for each day. That is one step. But it’s not just a “list 3 things and move on with the day”, checkmark, goal accomplished. Done.

No, in making thankfulness a habit and cultivating a heart attitude of gratitude it is my goal that the act of starting my day with thoughts of thankfulness will then help thankfulness carry on into my day with choosing thankfulness in situations that would otherwise cause irritation, annoyance, depression, discontent, or hopelessness.

Our family is currently living in an RV and touring the country for 10 months while we work and school fulltime. Yes, it’s pretty incredible. But it also means we are sharing one bathroom. One morning last week, I needed to do my hair and plugged in the curling iron to warm, but since my kids hadn’t gotten up and been through the bathroom yet I thought I’d give them a chance before I started on my hair. I have a lot of hair and it’s a 30-minute process. I got them moving and started working on breakfast in the kitchen while waiting for them to quickly use the restroom and vacate it.

 The next thing I knew, one of my sons was showering. He doesn’t normally shower in the morning and I hadn’t expected or anticipated that. He’s also not quick about showing, so my day and planned schedule was now delayed by 30 minutes. My immediate reaction was irritation, annoyance, and criticalness about his thoughtlessness.

 After ascertaining that he had turned off my curling iron and the RV was not about to catch fire from his setting clothes on a hot iron, I recognized my negative emotional state and direction of my thoughts. I asked myself, “What can I be thankful for in this situation?” Immediately I thought of how thankful I am that I have a son who desires to be clean and takes responsibility for his personal cleanliness AND that I don’t have to push, fight, or cajole him into it! What a blessing he is! How proud I am of him!

One simple question to myself and wow, what a change in thoughts and emotions! And, what a different mom that kid had when he got out of the bathroom than if I hadn’t asked myself that question. I know I want to be the second mom and not the first mom on a regular basis and that’s the mom and wife my family wants too. It’s also the daughter my Father will be more pleased with because that’s who He has designed and enabled me to be. Yet, it all came from a simple question and changing my focus.

Who do you want to be? What characteristics do you want to cultivate in your life? Is thankfulness a challenge for you like it is for me? If you haven’t already, we’d love to have you join the Hope Anew Online Community and take part in the January Thankfulness Challenge!

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

One Word That Can Change Your Year – Part 1

It’s a new year. The start of a new year comes with thoughts of fresh starts, new beginnings, and new or renewed goals. I always look ahead toward the upcoming year with thoughts of what I want the coming year to include for myself and my family and what next steps in life would be good for us.

While that is all true of this year as well, this year has a different feel for me – what about you?

I’m a little less optimistic of where things are headed in our country and world. Christianity is becoming more and more criticized and unpopular. Darkness and evil in our society are growing and becoming more commonly accepted.  Within and between Christian groups, there is increasing division and lack of vision.

The year 2020 was a HARD year for the world and our country. Personally, I’m not expecting 2021 to be easier. I see darkness and chaos growing and spreading. BUT, in darkness, light shines even brighter! Light offers hope in dark times. A lighthouse isn’t built to help ships during the daylight, but during the night. While evil and darkness may be increasing, our foundation, our solid rock, Jesus, does not change. Our hope is secure.

That doesn’t mean we won’t experience hard things, but it does mean we don’t need to be consumed by them. Yet, when we live day in, day out in hard, disheartening, all-consuming things it’s hard to hold onto that hope. So how do we do that?

Personally, 2020 was an incredibly difficult year with a lot of personal loss that was all-consuming for a few months. I made a resolution that I would NOT complain about my new circumstances (I started here) and that I WOULD be thankful (I got this this a little later). Truthfully, I could feel that I was being consumed by negativity and it was my attempt to change that. It was absolutely the right thing to do. And this year, in 2021, I want to take that even further.

 Each year I choose a theme word or verse for the year. This year, my word is THANKFUL! Being thankful requires action and intentional thought. It doesn’t just happen, and it doesn’t come automatically. It takes disciplined thought processes and if it hasn’t been a habit, it takes time and practice to changes those negative, complaining thought patterns and to create thankful, appreciative thought patterns. But it CAN be done, and it will change your brain and your life!

 We read, “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” in I Thessalonians 5:18. Philippians 4:8 says, …“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Being thankful is an act of fixing our thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable.

In the Hope Anew Online Community, during the month of January, our theme is Thankful! Each week I’m posting a video about what I’m learning about being thankful and how I’m applying it to my life. We’d love to have you join the Community and a group of parents who “get it” as we grow and learn together through the extra challenge of being caregivers.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Thankfulness When Life Stinks – Part 2

Last week you learned my word of focus for 2021 is thankful, and heard part of my story about the end of 2019 and first part of 2020 where we learned that there was mold in our home making me very sick and that we decided to move out of our dream home and property. This entailed us also having to get rid of nearly everything that was special to us and the life we’d built together over 20 years. It also left us homeless and living with my in-laws in their two-bedroom home and cut off from our church, where there was also mold. It seemed like we’d lost everything except each other and our extended families in the span of a few months.

Loss, so much loss. Grief, deep grief. So how do I get from there to thankfulness?

As part of my recovery from mold, I took a 3-day brain training program that has shown excellent results and is recommended by top medical doctors that teaches a person how to retrain the limbic system (found in the brain) so that it no longer over-reacts to toxic stimuli such as mold, chemicals, etc.

Summarizing 3 full days of training into a couple of sentences will over-simplify it, but here we go. It basically taught how to be very intentional with one’s thought processes in a specific way, basking in positive thoughts and experiences of the past and future (before and after, but not during, illness) and dwelling in those thoughts and emotions for a significant amount of time each day. This changes brain connections as well as body chemistry. Again, a massive over-simplification, but that’s the gist.  

Does that at all sound familiar? It brings to mind Philippians 4:8, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” And it’s preceded by verse 6 & 7, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (NLT) Did you catch that, “Fix your thoughts...”  also translated, “dwell on”, “consider” “think about”. This isn’t a passing thought. This is a park it and sit there for a while.  

That’s exactly what the brain training program was telling me to do too. Think these (very specific, prescripted) thoughts. Dwell in them. Fix your mind there. Sit in them. Feel them thoroughly from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. Every day. For an hour. 

Considering the options available to us in our circumstances, we decided to get a new travel trailer (free of mold and furnished) and travel the country for a year while continuing to work and homeschool fulltime (no, not a year-long vacation). 

Being as astute as I am, I realized that going from 2,000+ square feet and 4.5 acres of space to approximately 300 square feet of space was going to come with some adjustment for our family. Knowing that we were all struggling with what we were giving up and what we were going to, I resolved that stepping through the door of our new home, there would be NO complaining. I would choose to be thankful for what I did have.

I knew there would be hard times ahead where I would be tempted think about what I wished I had and I resolved that I would redirect my thoughts to thankfulness for what I did have here and now and I intentionally chose decorations to help in that endeavor and remind me on those hard days.  

I bought a grand total of 2 wall decorations for the main area and 1 for each our bedroom and the boys’ bedroom. One in the main room is a white pumpkin and simply says, “thankful.” It’s my favorite and I don’t really care that it’s a pumpkin and will be out of season most of the year. It’s going to be the permanent decoration there (unless I happen to stumble across an even better thankful sign). The bedroom sign says, “Forever thankful, Always grateful, Abundantly blessed” which is absolutely 100% true, but it can be easy for me to dwell on the other parts of my life and this serves to quickly reset my mindset. The other in the main room says, “happy campers” and the boys’ room is painted on a bear and says, “hungry for adventure”. All of them are intended to direct our mindsets and thought processes and set the tone for our home.

We may be houseless. We may be in transition and not know what is next. We may have rough days where 300 square feet seems REALLY small. We may miss friends. We may have issues with the camper as most all campers do, especially new ones that are getting broken in and lived in fulltime. I may be too tired some days to go on an adventure we had planned and it’s our only day to do it. BUT, I will choose to not just not complain, but to be thankful. And there is SO much to be thankful for! And that will change everything.  

Because I still have plenty of room to grow in this process, and I haven’t come close to perfecting it yet, my word for 2021 is, “thankful.”

What is your word for 2021?

P.S. Understand that I’m NOT saying I didn’t need to grieve. Or if you have gone through or are going through a hard time of loss, that you don’t need to grieve or that you won’t need to revisit that grieving process ongoing at times. Do understand that I’m saying, at some point, after expressing and working through grief, we need to transition to looking at what we do have and what we can be thankful for, while at the same time acknowledging what we have lost.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Thankfulness When Life Stinks – Part 1

A friend of mine is putting together a cool project to kick off 2021, around having people share their word for the year. You know how many people pick a word to focus on each year? That word. When I heard about the project, I hadn’t picked my word for 2021 yet. But within a couple minutes of thinking about it, I had chosen my word…thankful.

Thankfulness is so powerful, yet it takes intention and discipline, at least for me. In a backwards way, not an intentional one, it’s sort of been my word for three quarters of 2020.

Before we get to that, let me share with you about my first quarter of 2020…Just about one year ago this time (it was the first week of November) we finally had what we hoped were some answers to my health challenges that no doctor had been able to figure out – mold, in our house and our church (and homeschool co-op) – the two places I spent nearly all of my time.

Through a series of events, within the week, we made the heart-rending decision that we needed to move. Yes, we would remediate, but we didn’t think I could live there and heal. This was a HUGE decision. Monumental. This was the family homestead. This was the house my FIL had designed and had built and where my husband had grown up. This was the house we LOVED and had planned to live in the rest of our lives. This was the house on the most beautiful, perfectly laid out two acres we’d ever seen with the in-laws next door on another 2.5 acres, giving our boys 4.5 acres to roam and play and built forts and have daily chats with grandma and grandpa. We had a lovely swimming and fishing pond visible through double French doors at the front of the house, pine woods, flowering tree lined drive, fruit trees and bushes, and space to do the homesteading we enjoyed (before I got too sick to do the work).  This was our dream home. This was our refuge.

Can you hear the grief? And that was only the beginning. In the process of getting out of mold, we could only keep things that were solid, non-porous and every surface could be thoroughly cleaned and wiped down with a special solution that kills mold and breaks down mold mycotoxins. We can save the pots and pans, woohoo! (You can hear the sarcasm, right?) That means every item was hand sorted. So the pictures, the 1800 books, my kids’ prized artwork drawing pieces hanging on the wall, the quilt from grandma, my wedding dress, special mementos, gifts of artwork my husband drew for me for birthdays and Valentine’s Day, all our upholstered furniture, heirloom dressers, family pictures on the wall, all my kids’ stuffed animals and nearly all their toys, almost everything had to go. Over two thousand square feet of house plus a garage and workshop and 20 years of memories and the life we’d built piece by piece went down to two utility trailers. And…we didn’t have another house to move to.  

I grieved. Hard. I yelled at God, literally, evening after evening as I sat in the house by myself (we had moved in with my in-laws next door after Thanksgiving, so the rest of the family was there) sorting and throwing out and cleaning. I cried and cried and cried. I asked why, not in a “what can I learn from this” way, but in a, “this is so messed up and makes no sense and how could you” way. I knew God doesn’t necessarily protect us from incredibly hard things and that sometimes He even brings those things to us deliberately to direct us where and into who He desires us to be. I didn’t expect Him to make life easy for me, but at the same time, I sure didn’t like what He had chosen for us at this juncture.

Can you relate? Have you ever been there? Have you ever struggled with what life has brought you? Have you ever hurt so badly you raged at God about it? Or maybe you turned away and rejected Him? Or stopped short of rejecting Him, but turned away and gave Him the silent treatment?

If you are wondering where to go from here or what to do with all that pain, anger, hurt, confusion, grief, sadness, and more Hope Anew has a 5-week Hope & Healing Workshop where walk with you through that process. Contact us and sign up on the waiting list for the next live online workshop.

So how do I get to thankfulness from here??? You’ll find out in part two next Saturday.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

 

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

When Our Lives Are In Upheaval

September makes me think of fall, even though it still feels like summer to start out. I love fall - pumpkins, cooler breezes, apple cider, campfires, hot chocolate,  s'mores, colorful leaves. Okay, I still have to wait a month or so for that one. But, I love fall in the north.

September also brings a settling into the routine of the school year. The newness is overcome and we start to "hit our stride". This year that settledness probably isn't as settled or as comfortable with the changes brought by COVID-19 or maybe the new teacher, school, routine, online or homeschooling is hitting some snags and isn't going well. 

I think we can all agree that this year has been a doozie. September marks the 7th month of our country and lives collectively being changed by the measures taken for a virus and the future being unpredictable. Being families with special needs, we've been through that unpredictable process before, even though this is very different.

But that isn't a new state of being for us, is it? 

What do we do when our lives are in upheaval and we can't project how or when they will be better again? One of the best things I've learned to help my state of mind and emotions during times of overwhelm, unsureness (of course, that's a word!), upheaval, unpredictability, trial, etc are looking at, learning, and remembering the names of God. Many of His names are based on His characteristics - who He is. In the Bible, names were often given based on their meaning. God even changed people's names to reflect a change in their life and to match the meaning of their name to that change.

Psalm 9:10 says, "And those who know your name put their trust in you." Trust in God is something that can keep us sane, focused, and at peace during times of unrest. I don't know about you, but when I focus on me and my circumstances, I lose focus on God and my anxiousness and unrest increases.

Intentionally recalling the names of God refocuses me on Him.

If you would like a great book to learn more about the names of God, check out God's Names by Sally Michael. This is a devotional I did with my boys a few years back that continues to bless me.

Written by Sarah McGuire

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Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here! 

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

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Stage 5: Beauty in the Journey and Purpose in the Pain

Stage 5: Beauty in the Journey and Purpose in the Pain

This stage is still ahead for us on our traveling the country in an RV adventure and beyond. Sure, the adventure, experiences, and family time will be a tremendous blessing. But I think God has bigger plans than just that. After-all, I don’t think He pried our hands off of our beloved home and property just to give our family a 9-month adventure. (Although I plan to enjoy it immensely!) No, I think He needed to free us up for much bigger things. I don’t know exactly what that looks like yet, but I’m looking forward to finding out. In the meantime, I’ll enjoy this little adventure.

In every episode of the Hope Anew Disability Podcast we say, “We believe there is beauty in the journey and purpose in the pain.” Let me assure you, those are some hard-fought words that I absolutely could not have comprehended, let alone said or created during the first several years of our journey in special needs. So, if you read or hear that and think I must be delusional or crazy, you’re in good company. My former self would agree with you.

When I was in the earlier stages of this journey and I heard parents of kids with special needs talk about special needs being a blessing and how they have learned so much from their child. I would bitterly think that they either: 1. Had an easier journey than we had, 2. Were living in denial, or 3. Were making lemonade out of lemons and refusing to acknowledge the lemons were rotten (so I guess we’re back to denial).

Maybe you’ve reached this stage and can easily see and share with others the beauty in your journey and the purposes God has had in allowing, and maybe even intentionally giving, the pain. This phrase resonates with you and you love it. Maybe you aren’t there yet and this phrase stirs up anger or bitterness. If you fall into the second group, try to put that aside for the next couple of minutes and attempt to take in the perspective of those who have walked the journey ahead of you. Because I have seen parents reach this stage time and time again. It usually takes years and involves some pretty messy struggles and stages to get there, but it is where the journey leads if you keep traveling and working through the ugly, messy stuff.

 In this stage parents find:

• They can help encourage others who are traveling this journey.

• They have purpose in their lives and see purpose in their child’s life.

• They see the gifts of their child.

• They see the gifts other “disabled” (because some of them have abilities abled people will never have) people, bring to the world.

• They are forever changed in how they accept, love, and value others.

• They not only see the eternal value and blessings of life, but the value and blessings that exist now, even in this broken world.

• Their view of God has expanded.

• They understand God used pain and hardship to grow and refine their character, their perspective, their attitudes and that they are a different (and much better) person because of it.

• They would never choose to go back to the person they were before.

• They understand there is mystery in God’s plan that they may never understand this side of heaven, but they have learned He is worthy of their trust, even when they can’t see ahead and don’t understand.

• They can see the beauty in their journey.

• They can see purposes in their pain (and sometimes in the pain of their child).

They have built a new life. They are living a different life and dream than what they had originally envisioned when they were pregnant or getting ready to adopt. Yes, there are things they’d like to do that they won’t ever be able to do. But they’ve learned to enjoy other things that they can do. Yes, there will be things that are hard and continue to be hard. Yes, that makes them continually look forward to the day we go to heaven and all that pain and brokenness is forever ended. But they’ve learned, in the meantime, to see the beauty along the way and that the pain isn’t useless but has great purpose.

Written by Sarah McGuire

If you missed Stage 4, you can find it here.

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

 Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Stages In The Parenting Journey Part 4

Stage 4: Momentum

The beloved house sold and the future we had dreamed of there was gone. We were out and temporarily living with Jonathan’s parents. What now? After evaluating our needs and resources: I needed a nearly new house that is mold free. We weren’t in a financial position to allow us to get that. One quarter to one third of our income was earned on the property with side businesses, so that was gone. We had very minimal household goods or furnishings, so furnishing an entire house at the same time wasn’t possible either. We also simply didn’t have a peace about buying another house right away. 

As we considered these factors we thought, what better time to get an RV (they come furnished) and go on a cross country tour!?! We don’t have many belongings to store. Our work is already remote. With no housing expenses, we could afford a new travel trailer that would be mold free and warrantied. So, the idea took shape and we dove into researching living costs, depreciation, how-to’s, socialization, how the whole camping full-time thing works, memberships, etc. We left to pick up Ruby (our travel trailer) in Mississippi the day the shut-down order for Indiana came into effect at midnight. So exciting!!!

It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. We hit some snags. She flooded the first night we had her as the dealership had installed a washer/dryer unit and then removed it but had forgotten to shut off the water valve. There were some things that weren’t installed right like the front door and the outdoor kitchen door that had to be adjusted and replaced or latches that didn’t catch on closets and drawers. We actually had quite a list, but it was all covered under warranty. And from our research, we knew to expect several things like that as the first owners of an RV as everything shakes down. There may have been one oopsie that wasn’t covered under warranty and that made us thankful for insurance. 

We spent hours upon hours researching, planning, dreaming new dreams, and getting set up. We used her for bedrooms, office, and school space for over four months throughout the pandemic as we have mooch docked (that’s the term for parking and plugging in at a friend or family’s property) and are looking forward to the adventure ahead and all the places she’ll bring us while having the comforts of home right with us. We did a trial trip to northern Michigan that showed us some things that are working and set up great and some that could be tweaked and made better. Already I’m healing and having more energy.

Ideally, to make the analogy between our traveling journey and the special needs journey, we would be a few months into our trip. We’d have our routines and patterns down. The learning curve would have leveled out. We would know how to navigate through all the memberships, and which are our favorite apps for each purpose needed – seriously, I think I have 5 apps for finding camping sites, 3 for navigation.

In the special needs journey, the same thing happens.

After the shock, disbelief, overwhelm, research, and initial interventions, therapist, doctors, crisis, etc. and the super steep learning curves involved in nearly every area of your child’s (and now your) life, it starts to level out. You now know what to do if X happens. You become an equipped advocate for your child. You still may not sleep well as you listen for the beep of that breathing machine, but you know exactly what to do should you hear it. You know when a therapist is absolutely NOT going to be a good match for your child before the child even meets them and avoid it by requesting they be assigned to a different therapist. You know to stock up on chocolate and tissues before the next IEP meeting. You hit your special needs parenting stride and while life isn’t easier, it is less overwhelming.

If the soul questions haven’t hit before now, they often do now. The immediate crisis and initial follow up has been handled and now there’s more emotional energy and time to stop, think, feel, and contemplate the drastic changes in your life. Even if you asked some initial “Why?” questions, they often go deeper now: “God where were you? Why did you abandon me? Us? God, why do you allow evil in the world? God, I’m so angry at you!!! Why didn’t you stop this? Why don’t you intervene? Does praying even work? Do you listen or hear at all? Are you real? Are you good? I don’t know if I believe in you anymore.” This can go into a full-blown questioning of your faith in God, who He is, if He exists, and your place in this universe.

These questions can last a few months or many years. They can lead to wrestling with all the questions and God and finding answers, tearing your faith down to its foundations and rebuilding, staying angry and bitter at God indefinitely, or to walking away from Him entirely.

It’s up to you. You may not be able to change how quickly you go through the process of settling doubts and questions, but you do choose whether you will continue to wrestle with God and your questions and doubts or if you walk away. It takes courage to ask unsettling questions and it takes strength and energy to continue to engage and wrestle. It’s messy and unpleasant. But, if you keep at it (even if it takes years) the rewards are life changing and immensely good as you’ll see glimpses of when we talk about Stage 5.

If you missed Stage 3, you can find it here.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Stages In The Parenting Journey Part 3

That last two weeks I have shared about how our current situation with selling our house due to health reasons and going on an epic family adventure bears similarity to many of our journeys as parents of children impacted by special needs. If you missed those, you can catch last week’s article here.

Stage 3 – Movement: First Unsteady Steps Forward

We were able to keep many kitchen tools and most clothing that was a single layer. Nothing upholstered or thick, no couch, comfy chairs, shoes, coats, papers, books, pictures, nothing made of particle board, etc. Anything that we were able to keep had to have every single surface thoroughly washed and wiped down with the mold cleaning solution before packing it. Our hands had to touch and sort every single item. Many dear, treasured, and sentimental things were simply thrown into a garbage bag or trailer for the dump…my wedding dress, photos of the boys’ baby pictures, our engagement night pictures by the pond out front that would soon no longer be ours, art the boys had drawn for me, Christmas stockings made by grandmothers and great aunts who are no longer alive, the china cabinet we bought on our honeymoon.

The items seemed endless and the process took months. Items we had saved money for months or years to be able to buy and finally were able to add them to our house to make it a comfortable, welcoming home became trash. Some items we sold in a moving sale (before the pandemic) for pennies of what they were worth. Two decades of building a home all gone and no insurance money to replace things. It was all consuming, that’s nearly all I did those 3+ months. Every. Day. Sort, trash, wash, cry, repeat. Just surviving through hurt, grief, and managing the day-to-day task of getting through the crisis.

With special needs, you get to the point that either your time limit has expired, and action must be taken immediately, or your research has progressed enough to make a first decision. In an emergency situation, your research may be listening to and solely relying on the information from a single doctor. Or, you may have time to dig deeper, consult with specialists, talk to friends who have been through it, and evaluate your options. But at some point, you have to make a decision and embark on the first interventions – a surgery, special school, therapies, special diet, or some other program. This may last for a week or it may last a year or more. It may work and you can keep moving forward to the next step or it may not, and you have to do more research and try plan B. Your stomach is likely tied in knots and your thoughts filled with hope and fears as you embark on this first step.

Your new reality starts to settle in as to what this new life will look like – the agony of surgery and recovery, follow up surgeries, speech therapy, trach tube, ABA therapy, doctor appointments galore, paperwork, adjusting your life and schedule around the needs of your child with additional needs, and changing it again at the last minute.

All future plans are written in pencil. It all feels foreign, unknown, and overwhelming. 

At this point in Stages 1-3 in the journey, it’s not uncommon to start asking some soul questions like, “Why? Why me? Why us? Why my child? God, why would you do this? Allow this? Why didn’t you protect us from this? God, I thought I was a good person, serving you, doing life the best I could for you, why did you punish me, my child?”

If you find yourself or your spouse asking these questions, it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person or a bad Christian. It is part of the grieving process. It is part of the healing process.

To be continued…

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Stages In The Parenting Journey Part 2

Last week, I began this series by sharing about this epic adventure our family is on. If you missed it, you can read it here. This journey our family is on share a lot of similarities to the journey in special needs and has four stages. This week, I will look at stage two.

Stage 2 – Shock & Research

We realized we had to move if I was ever going to have the chance to heal and recover my health.

Following that demarcating decision there was so much to do. I dove into research, as I’ve become accustomed to doing. What could be salvaged and what could not? What process it would take to save what we could? No one fully agrees. It’s hard to get a straight answer. In fact, there is no one size fits all answer to the situation. Not only is there no simple answer, there’s no straightforward answer.

After a fair bit of digging and lots of reading including books and webpages of specialists, we had to make a decision and move forward even though there was no sure answer. Based on the best information we were able to gather and based on the testing we had had done, we had to get rid of nearly all of our things. Anything that wasn’t solid and completely washable in a special solution that kills mold and breaks down mycotoxins had to go. No, surely not. This couldn’t be the answer. But it was. 

In the special needs journey, an ultrasound may show an anomaly, a medical complication may show up at or shortly after birth, a developmental issue or regression may be noticed or occur between 1-3 years old, there are different demarcating starts to the journey. But they are all followed by a lot of research and figuring out what is next. What can be done? What is the prognosis? What does the diagnosis mean? How to handle the interventions needed whether it is surgeries, medical treatments, therapies, or all of them. Who goes with the child? Who takes care of the other kids? Who works to earn the money? How do we juggle it all? Mom and dad’s learning curves are steep. There is so much to learn, so much that is yet unknown, so many decisions to make.

There often is no one right choice, yet a path forward must be chosen and pursued. You didn’t want to go this direction. You don’t like any of the choices. Is it possible this is all a horrible dream and you’ll awake soon?

To be continued…

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

 Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Stages In The Parenting Journey Part 1

In 11 days from when I’m writing this, our family is scheduled to launch out on an epic adventure. A 9 to 10 month cross-country RV trip. We are getting final details in place – paperless billing, homeschool supplies set, wardrobes minimized, sizes updated (growing boys – sheesh, all the fall clothes are too small), and so much more.

As I reflect on how this epic adventure came about, I see a great similarity in this actual trip and the process parents of kids with special needs go through in their journey. There are stages in both journeys and they parallel.

I’ve been asked repeatedly if this was something we’ve always wanted to do, planned to do, saved money to do. Uhhh, no. Personally, I always thought it would be amazing and cool, but thought it would never be possible for us because of the expense and upkeep of having a house while also getting an RV and leaving for months on end. And then…

Stage 1 – Shattered Hopes.

We learned our house had mold. Our dream house. The prettiest two acres you’ve ever seen bordered by pine trees giving it privacy, a lovely pond that gives my child, who is allergic to chlorine, a place to swim to his heart’s content, grandma and grandpa next door to love on my boys and for my boys to help them with projects, the most efficiently designed 4 bedroom house with large rooms and double closets I’ve ever laid on eyes with a dream kitchen and custom cabinets, a lovely workshop out back for Jonathan. Organic fruit trees, berries, and my favorite flowers dotted throughout the property. And oh the gorgeous welcome of the tree-lined drive that flowers deep pink in spring. But, I have been struggling with health issues for several years and no doctors were able to figure out what was wrong or how to help me feel better. Through a process of elimination and investigation we learned…mold. In our home and in our church, which doubles as our homeschool co-op building. The two places I spent nearly all of my time. I had become so incredibly sensitive to mold that in order to heal, even after fixing moisture issues and remediating, we knew we’d have to move. No more dream home and property, no more homeschool co-op, no more involvement with our church family at the church building. Crushed plans. Shattered hopes. Loss.

Does that sound familiar to your special needs journey?

When you were pregnant, so many hopes and dreams and plans for who your child might grow up to be. A sweet little girl with silky brown curls and a love of… maybe horses? Maybe rainbows? Maybe a math whiz? Or a bookworm? Who grows to be a teacher, doctor, accountant? Dad walking her down the aisle in her dream wedding dress. A delightful little boy with freckles who scares his sister with surprise frogs, plays fetch with the dog, collects rocks, and delights in watching the garbage truck on Tuesdays. A track runner? A football linebacker? A robotics champion? The possibilities fill your head with dreams and possibilities…but then a vacant stare, not responding to his name,  her ultrasound shows an abnormality, a seizure, lost words, flapping hands, a NICU stay – for months, surgeries. A diagnosis.

Life as you dreamed, hoped and planned will never be the same, will never happen. Life will be forever altered. You are crushed. Your dreams are shattered. Your heart is broken. What was will never be again. And what is ahead, you do not know other than that it will be hard.

At this point, you may jump right into action mode, might bury your head in denial (that may be okay, temporarily, it is part of the grief process after all), might get angry – at God, doctors, your spouse, yourself, or just life in general. You and your spouse may react in opposite ways. It’s not uncommon for the wife to jump straight into research while the husband defaults into denial and anger.

Just as we didn’t stay in the stage of Shattered Hopes when we found out that we had to move out of our dream home and leave our church family, this stage is not the end-all be-all in our journey as parents of children impacted by disabilities and special needs. In the upcoming weeks, I will continue to share how our rv adventure compares to our special needs journey and look more closely at the stages that many of us go through.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Are You Feeling Stressed?

It's August! What does August bring to your mind?

For me, it's still lots of summer memories. Garden harvest. Sweet Corn. The grass gets a bit brittle underfoot as less rain and hot days combine. And now, school.

Growing up in Michigan, school couldn't start until after Labor Day due to all the farming families. But in Indiana, school starts around mid August. Now on our 11th year of homeschooling, I've come to like starting school at the beginning of August. I use the term "like" loosely. I don't like starting school then, but I find it very beneficial and I like the benefits.

Why?

First, in Indiana homeschool law says you do school for 180 days. I've found that our family takes a lot more days off here and there throughout the year - canning peaches, plums, pears, running errands, appointments, I travel for speaking at conferences, etc. Those days add up, so if we don't start our year early, we don't finish until well into summer weather. Which in the north, is when you can't wait to get outside after the long winter and motivation for school work quickly dwindles for everyone, me included, when the robins start chirping and sunshine beckons.

Second, after several weeks off without a lot of directed activities, which at first is amazing, becomes well, stagnant and idle minds (even if bodies are active) start to wear on each other. So, while I get reluctance and groans about starting school again (afterall, they are boys and not the kind that love academic work), life, routine, and direction helps things run better in the household. Some years I start slow and ease into it, sometimes we jump right in with a full schedule.

This year, I'm prepping for a cross-country RV trip for the next 9-10 months (we leave in less than 2 weeks!) and I'm a little too busy to take on teaching right now, so we are starting with online electives where they'll each complete 1 course this month while I get things around for the trip and we hit the road. That will give me a couple weeks to get up to speed on the learning curve of RVing as well, before we dive into the full school schedule.

Whew, so that was a bit of rambling and sharing what our August looks like. Why do you care? Well, if you hadn't picked up on it, another theme of August is often STRESS! How many of you can relate to that? New things, new teachers, schools, schedules, establishing different routines, early mornings, deadlines, adjustments. For some of our group, it can also be a stress relief - to again have a team of people helping do the heavy lifting of daily care, therapy and interventions. But it often comes with anxiety about how will the new teacher, therapist, etc mesh with my child?This year, with COVID-19, it's magnified - it's not just a new school, a new routine, but school as it's never been done before. And for kids who can't tolerate change, yikes! 

So what is a STRESSED OUT mama, or dad, to do?  That's what August is all about here in the Hope Anew - STRESS RELIEF  or more accurately, STRESS MANAGEMENT!

Because we all know all those responsibilities aren't getting relieved anytime soon, so we we need to pay attention to managing the stress, and yes, stress relief, because as we "manage" it can reduce our stresses in life and we can work the stress out of our bodies.

Who's ready to get some stress relief with me? Woot! Woot!

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

 

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

What’s In A Name - Hope Anew

Oh the anticipation, dreams, hopes, excitement, preparation and thoughts that filled our hearts and minds as we eagerly awaited the arrival of our first child! And one of the questions uppermost in our minds…what were we going to name him? To us, a name is very important. Pick the wrong name and the child could be made fun of for the first two decades of his life. We talked through hundreds of names – some reminded Jonathan or I of people we didn’t have fond memories of and we didn’t want our son to carry the same name. Some have common nicknames we didn’t like. Some one of us loved, but the other hated. Some we liked one week, not so much the next. Some were just meh. 

The meaning of the name was also very important, and we believe a child very often grows into the meaning of his name. As we talked through possibilities, one of our favorite names meant “firebrand”. While that could mean he would really make a mark on the world and leave a lasting legacy, it could also mean that he could be a hellion to rear, exciting pain or danger wherever he went. Yikes. Mark that one off the list. It was quite a process, but we finally arrived at a name we both loved and still do.

The process for naming Hope Anew wasn’t too different, except that baby name books were no help, and URLs that were already taken figured heavily into the decision. But, the significance of the name was important. Again, we talked through many possibilities before we came up with and then settled on Hope Anew. As soon as Jonathan said it, I loved it. We checked the URL – available! We put it in with two other top name options and asked friends and family their opinions and Hope Anew won hands down. 

Why did I love it so much upon first hearing it and grew to love it more and more as I continued to think about it?

Here are my reasons:

1. Hope. After the early years of a having a special needs child when I lived in crushing anguish, broken dreams, darkness, and hopelessness, hope was my #1 need. Like water in a wilderness, hope to a downcast soul brings life, renewal, healing, a way forward. Hope is an absolute necessity, yet many find it elusive! Having “hope” in the name of an organization where the support of parents with kids impacted by special needs and disability is the sole purpose and focus…brilliant idea!

2. Hope. Hope points to the true hope we have in life and this world…God, His son, Jesus.  Salvation, certainly, but also His faithful love and care for us here and now. A sure hope. Not the common, modern definition meaning, “a desire” as in, “I hope you have a nice day.” But rather the archaic definition, “trust, to expect with confidence, reliance” and the biblical definition, “confident expectation of what God has promised, and its strength is in His faithfulness.”  This isn’t a, “I hope my son gets better”, “I hope this therapy works” kind of hope. But rather a, “No matter what, God loves me, my child, and I can trust He sees the big picture, has a plan and will work thing together for our good even in the midst of this very broken world.”

3. Anew. Gaining hope again in the parent’s journey. I don’t know about you, but I certainly went through periods of time (years) where I had lost hope. No hope. No future. Darkness, all was darkness. Hopeless. I felt embarrassed, guilty, weak. I learned that is a common part of the special needs parenting journey. You don’t need to feel embarrassed, guilty or weak. Goodness, your life just got flipped upside down. All your hopes and dreams were shattered and scattered, and you have NO idea which way is up, let alone what’s ahead! No one has given you a map with “You are here” marked on it. For Pete’s sake (sorry, Pete, I don’t know who you are or why your name is used for this expression), you’re just trying to figure out how to make it through the next minute of crisis (aka your new life)! BUT, after that yawning chasm of hopelessness, darkness, brokenness, when you climb up and out on the other side, there are new dreams! There is light! There are less crisis, or at least a well-trod action plan for how to handle the next crisis. You can begin to see traces of God’s faithful care of you through that chasm and all those crises. He didn’t abandon you after all, even though it had felt like He had.  And now you gain the reassurance, the knowing deep in your soul, He’ll also carry you through the next one. Hope blooms anew, rebuilt, stronger, steadier on the far side of that chasm. Hope Anew.

What is in the name Hope Anew? Hope, a sure promise we can count on from a faithful God to carry us and love us as we walk through a broken, hurting world and pick us up and grow us up in our understanding of Him after we have lost our hope, vision and dreams.

Oh, and our eldest son – his name is Josiah, meaning “God supports, heals.” You might have some insight into the extra pressures on siblings of kids with special needs. I’d say avoiding “Firebrand” and going for “God supports” was a good call.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Summer To Remember

It’s July! This means the start of a new month and a new theme in our online community! What memories, thoughts, scents, events, and feelings does July inspire for you? 

For me, it's the feel of sunshine on my skin. Thoughts of parades, fireworks, family gatherings, bike riding, picnics, sandy beaches (I grew up close to Lake Michigan), weeding the garden, the sound of corn growing, the feel of garden dirt and yard grass between my toes, playing in the sprinkler, the tastes of sweet corn dripping with butter and watermelon. 

As I think of this, I realize these are mostly all from when I was a kid.

Since I've become an adult, I have rarely taken the time to slow down enough to soak in the sensations, scents and joy of summer. Summer was my favorite season as a kid. While I now also love spring and fall, I still love summer. My birthday is also in July, so that's just a cherry on top of the already delicious treat of summer! 

As I reflect on these memories, I want to enjoy them again and create them for my kids. Not only will this create amazing memories for them, there are other benefits too! Like strengthening our family and relieving stress, and who of us doesn't need a little - or a lot - of stress relief! 

So, our theme this month is (drumroll)... Summer To Remember!!!

And we mean this in a positive way, not because of the pandemic, lol. We can create times of amazing memories with our family regardless of the pandemic. Activities can be simple and cheap or free, simply by intentionally selecting some activities to do together this summer and checking them off as you go can help make your summer a Summer To Remember!

We have a cute, free download graphic chart for you to print and fill in with your family. Get suggestions from your kids and significant other and write them down. Plan to incorporate them throughout the next month or two and check them off as you go. If you are challenged coming up with ideas, we've got you covered. We are also offering a free download of 101 ideas for you to use as-is or to help jump start your own ideas.

Don't make it overcomplicated or something you have to put a lot of energy or $ into and let that stop you. Did you notice the things I remember about summer from my childhood? Grass and dirt between my toes - how often do we walk outside barefoot now? Soaking up the sunshine. Cloud shapes. Watermelon. Playing in a sprinkler. Stargazing.

These are your action steps:

1. Print the chart and 100 ideas list. 

2. Choose ideas from the list or brainstorm your own.

3. Fill in your family's chart. 

4. Begin making it a Summer To Remember!

5. Share your adventures with us in the community! We can't wait to see all the memories you're making with your family.

Join us in the Hope Anew Online Community to get the free downloads. Go to members.HopeAnew.com and join for free!

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

 Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!